Dear ever-pioneering motor industry. Kelly feels attacked. Here’s why
First they came for the volume buttons, and now they’ve come for our mirrors. Those who make the decisions on what to make more modern or futuristic have gone too far. At least in the motoring world. Here are some of the things I’m still very happy to live without for a good few years to come.
A digital volume button
Ok, this has been around for quite some time and honestly, I could do without it hey. I still want a volume knob. I don’t like the digital buttons. I don’t know why and please don’t say I will get used to it. I’ve driven enough cars over the years with digital buttons for the volume to be used to it by now. And I am STILL not used to it. I honestly feel a little thrill every time we get a test car and it has a regular, analogue volume knob. Is this just me? Is it my age?
Video cameras instead of mirrors
Hard pass from me. I have only had to experience this once to know that I do not want this. Not only does it mess with my head because it’s just so very, very different, but it also gives me motion sickness. As soon as we discovered how to switch the rear view device from a camera monitor to a conventional mirror, we did it. And I know there’s an Audi e-tron out there saying “hold my charging cable” and showing us that its side mirrors are, well, non-existent. There are camera monitors in the doors instead. I cannot. As much as I am all for new technology on vehicles, this is too much for my brain to compute right now. And I feel too risky for everyday drivers who are yet to master how to use an indicator stalk.
Synthetic engine noises
Who wants to drive an entry-level BMW 1 series and have it sound like an M3 instead? Ok, there are a lot of BMW owners who would want this, but honestly do we need synthetic engine noises? Doesn’t it make owning one of the faster, more special vehicles well, less special? And doesn’t it make you look a little fake when you’re going around revving your 1.0-litre engine and making it sound like a V6? It’s all a bit pretentious in my opinion.
Autonomous driving and parking systems
While I get the appeal of this to some degree, I just can’t see it working at mass-market level. We’re still trying to figure out how to work with Siri, Bixby, Google and Alexa. How are we going to get used to having fully automated vehicles? And even though that’s still a way away, automated parking has been around in top-of-the-range vehicles for quite some time already. And I still haven’t had the guts to try it. I worry too much about what happens if it fails. I’m not ready to have faith in technology at that level – even though I’ve seen the system work under demonstration.
I swear I’m not a Boomer. In fact, I’d like to believe that I’m a pretty connected, modern and in-touch millennial. Yes, we need to move with the times and embrace change and advances in technology. But some are changing too much and too quickly. And I’m just not ready for it.